My Recovery Rewind – Part 2

This was originally published on January 4, 2018. It is Part 2 of a 6 part series.


30 days – 1 Month: for the one solid month I did stay sober after the drink was “taken away from me.” It’s no surprise I was drinking in a matter of days shortly after getting this token. We were traveling to a best friend’s wedding where there was going to be booze a’plenty.  I had shared that I was worried I would be triggered (social events were a HUGE trigger for me and remained so for 4.5 years) and one of the guys in my outpatient group gave me two of his Antibuse pills. I accepted and brought them with me, knowing full well I wasn’t going take them.

Because if I did, then I couldn’t drink at all and my plan was to hide it like I always had. If I did take them and drank, I’d be violently ill and I couldn’t allow THAT to ruin the weekend. So of course I didn’t take them.

And of course I drank.

Of course I got caught (right before the reception when my husband smelled it on my breath and believed that I had only had ONE mimosa.)

Of course I lied about how much I drank (because I proceeded to drink the entire rest of the evening and somehow drove the “drunker” groom and his bride home.*)

For an alcoholic like me (and I’d say MOST alcoholics trying to put down the bottle for good) 30 days is not long enough to forget how to hide my drinking, and quite frankly, I can’t believe I pulled that shit off! 

I would go on to relapse again…and again.


Published by Holly "Pixie" Hust

I am a "12 Stepper" who also practices harm reduction recovery in sunny southern California. I am a wife and mother who strives to help other women discover their relationship with alcohol and how they can live their best lives without it.

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