My Recovery Rewind – Part 6

Here I go with ANOTHER disclaimer: Today was an emotional one for me.  I know I’ve been relatively transparent thus far and I will continue to be but there’s just some things that need to be kept private.  No, it’s not something I would drink over, not today anyway.  But it IS something that would take me down emotionally, affecting everyone around me if my spiritual condition wasn’t where it is today.  I have recovered from my drinking problem but it’s only been in this past year that I have finally got to working on my “thinking problem.”  I know how I did it and I’ll share that but not in this post. No, today I want to talk about the last 3 tokens in my little “collection.”  That being said, I also don’t know that I have the energy or the emotional capacity to say EVERYTHING that I probably could say but these 3 people know my heart and I’ve been doing everything I can these past (almost) 6 years to make a living amends to them.  Have I done it perfectly, nope.  Will I ever do it perfectly? Nope.  Progress, not perfection.  That is what I strive for today.  

These 3 tokens were given to me by people I had asked to give me when I reached each year of recovery.  I have already talked about two of them and the third will get an honorable mention.


Token #1: Serenity isn’t freedom from the storm, it’s the Peace within the storm. S1 gave this to me along with my 1 year token.  My mom and A1 who was just 2.5 month old came to see me accept it in front of my home group.  I didn’t know that you could take more than one token and at the time, I think I was only going to ONE meeting a week as it was.  I didn’t have any other friends in the program so having my mom there meant a lot to me. This one’s for you, Mama.

Token #2: The camel each day goes twice to his knees. He picks up his load with the greatest of ease. He walks through the day with his head held high and stays for that day completely dry. My honorable mention gave this to me along with my 2 year “dirty” token.  At this point, I was now a big fat faker in the rooms of AA, still holding on to the “someday.” This one’s for you, Daddy.

Token #3: B3 gave this one to me to commemorate year #5 without alcohol.  She was the third friend in the program that I had divulged my BBS to and once again, it was met with love, acceptance and zero judgement.** This one’s for you, Sissy.



P.S. Since I simply cannot help myself and these posts are so long, I’ve created an “Asterisks” page in my menu.  Go take a gander if you are so inclined.


Published by Holly "Pixie" Hust

I am a "12 Stepper" who also practices harm reduction recovery in sunny southern California. I am a wife and mother who strives to help other women discover their relationship with alcohol and how they can live their best lives without it.

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