Skeletons 1.5 – My Recollection

This was orginially published January 25, 2018.

Recollection: “We shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” (The Promises, BB pg.83)

It’s been over a week since I posted and not gonna lie (NGL) I allllllmost decided that I was going to stop this whole thing all together.  I’m not going to go into why that was but everything inside me says to keep on going so that is what I’m going to do.  Again, my timeline for this whole project isn’t important anymore and I  don’t know why I keep getting “stuck” on it.  This kind of thinking is similar to when I get wrapped up in living in the past and “if I had just done it this way” self-talk nonsense. Sigh. FML. I can hear sibling unrest downstairs. Do I go attempt to assist or let daddy handle it? Why am I even contemplating, of course he can handle it.

It was my “belly button” birthday (BBB) last weekend and needless to say, my expectations were high.  I have always loved my birthday. I grew up in a family where birthdays were celebrated more than once (nuclear family, extended family and friends) and I was the center of attention (insert eye roll here.) Once A1 was born (3 days after my BBB,) celebrating me didn’t seem that important anymore – and not just because of her but also because of what happened on my birthday the year before in 2012. It’s because of that birthday weekend that year that I was extra excited for this year’s celebrations and also why I experienced a mini-let down when it didn’t go exactly how I had envisioned.

January 2012, Iiiiiiii had arranged for a little over-night birthday getaway with my girlfriends (just like I had arranged this year’s celebration, 6 years later.)  The day of my birthday was a Thursday. I worked, my husband was out-of-town for the whole day and evening. So of course, I took myself out to happy hour, a pedicure and shopping for an outfit for the weekend.  Dinner with my sister was to follow, and it did.  I was “3 sheets to the wind” by the time I stepped out of my car and proceeded to drink almost an entire bottle of Riesling with Thai food. Who drinks Riesling with Thai food?! Alcys like me, that’s who!!!  Post dinner, I took a nice little fall outside and gave myself a cut above my eyebrow.  I still drove my ass home, sister following, and realized I still had a good couple hours before I needed to drive a decent distance to pick up the hubs at the train station.  One would think this would be a good time to take a quick snoozer and sober up a bit but nope, not me. I said “bottoms up bitches” and on the road I went. You can guess what happened next.

I never made it to the train station.

I didn’t make it to work the next day.

I had to cancel my birthday weekend.


I was on my way to my bottom…fast.


Published by Holly "Pixie" Hust

I am a "12 Stepper" who also practices harm reduction recovery in sunny southern California. I am a wife and mother who strives to help other women discover their relationship with alcohol and how they can live their best lives without it.

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