What am I really trying to accomplish with this blog anyway? Honestly? I don’t know but I have a story to tell and I can’t really tell you “what it’s like now” without telling you what it was like and what happened. At one point, I visualized this being a “cautionary tale” for my daughters and maybe that’s what it will end up being. I don’t know. And I don’t have to know. What I DO know is, I need to keep going.
The plan was to share journal entries and I’m going to stick with that plan. I’m just going to pick up where I left off. If you need a refresher, go back to My Reflections – Part 2.
January 25, 2021
I still feel like shit. I don’t even want to write, to be honest. Just figured I’d note that, once again, I’m down. I do kinda feel the cloud lifting? It’s really hard to tell, one second I think maybe but then the cloud remains. I’d really like to keep this up so I can see if I can hone in even more on my highs and lows. My left ear has been thumping like crazy today. Fuuuuuuuck, I’m so sick of being me right now. And I know I have a wonderful life – so many blessings – but being ME sucks today.
January 29, 2021
4 days have passed since I wrote in here. I’ve been depressed every day. Yesterday wasn’t that bad but I woke up with dread again today. It’s now 4pm and I just can’t wait for bed. I can’t wait for this fog to lift. I’m not showing up as my best self and I’m so sick of it. Turns out the doc I have been working with is not even a psychiatrist. Ugh. So now need to wait 2 weeks before I see a psych for the first time. I am hopeful I will start to feel better before then. I can’t imagine feeling this way for another 2 weeks. It’s miserable! I am prayerful that God will relieve me. This cannot and will not continue. I cannot produce any good fruit under these conditions. Lord have mercy on me, I beg of you. Hmmm, what else can I report? We have money in the bank, it’s raining and my children and marriage are healthy. What more could I really ask for? If only my sick brain would heal.
Lots of people use depression as an excuse to drink.
Not once did I think about drinking.
And you know why.
And if you don’t.
Keep coming back.
#morewillberevealed
My Recovery Revealed 
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