July 4, 2013 – 1 year, 3 months and 3 days clean and sober.
It was my second sober 4th but I wasn’t pregnant anymore. While breastfeeding was an excuse I COULD use, the other two breastfeeding mothers present were drinking sooooo, let’s just say the struggle was beyond real…AF.
Everyone was drinking.
Most were passing a joint around.
Except for one person…me.
I was now throwing a self-pity party of 1 and everyone was invited. Someone asked me which was the lesser of two evils – booze or bud – and I said there was only one evil for me and it was the former.
“Opportunity you’re not gonna pass up, that’s who.”
5 years ago today, I said yes to what is commonly referred to as the “marijuana maintenance recovery” (MMR) program.
I had no idea what MMR was when I took that first puff off the joint. All I knew in that moment was all my anxiety had dissipated and I felt “a part of;” I was able to relax and enjoy myself the rest of the time that 4th of July beach day.
Remember the BBS I mentioned when I first started this blog? My “big bad skeleton?” Well, now you know. But there’s still a lot that you don’t know that I want to say…and I will…but not today.
And there’s still a lot that I don’t know and need to learn…and I will…but not today.
However, what matters today is what I DO know:
- I am an alcoholic who lost my ability to control my drinking long before my last drink on March 29th, 2012 and I haven’t picked up a drink ever since.
- I am an alcoholic with a desire to never drink again and help others recover from the disease of alcoholism &
- I am an alcoholic who smokes pot, still attends AA and I no longer GAF what anyone in the fellowship thinks or says about it.
The best part?
I’m not the only one.