Just smoked myself sick on Christmas Eve and couldn’t even finish my last one at 12:20am. I just reset my quit time for Christmas Day at 12:23. I am thoroughly disgusted and wanna throw up a little. Freakin’ foul – I cannot smoke another cigarette.
How many times have I said this since I started again in May of this year? I’ve made a few attempts, each one more half ass than the one before it until I just said “screw it. You’re a smoker again. You’ll quit again…eventually. For now, smoke it up guilt free.”
And I sure did!
To be continued, I need to go to bed and will wake up officially a nonsmoker. Again.
Picking this post back up on January 3, 2024. Did I stay smokefree?
Of course I didn’t. I was off to the gas station as soon as breakfast was over on Christmas Day and continued to smoke until 7:30am this morning. I started praying on New Years Day to have the willingness to quit. January 2, I went to bed asking that I would be done as soon as I smoked my last one.
My last one was this morning and I decided right then and there, I was done. I put on a patch, texted my bestie and my sister that I was quitting. Then I got on my knees and prayed and asked God to not let me buy a pack today.
Then I told my husband.
Me: “Okay, I put a patch on.”
Him:
Me: “Did you hear me? I put a patch on.”
Him: Do you want encouragement?
Me: Yes!
Him: Great job babe! I know you can do it.
He doesn’t believe me. And I don’t blame him. We’ve been down this road so many times before I quit the first time in June 2022 and after when I started back up in May 2023.
Do I believe myself?
No. Because I know I can’t do this on my own. I am powerless over the addiction. No amount of belief in myself, encouragement or belief from anyone is going to keep me from smoking. It didn’t help before and it won’t help now.
But I do believe in a Power greater than myself to help me and that is God.
He did it for me before and I know He’ll do it again.
All it’s going to take from me is complete surrender to His will and lots of prayer.
Okay, and patches. The nicotine replacement program is 8 weeks. Last time I quit, I used them for 2 weeks and didn’t need them anymore. I’m willing to do the whole 8 weeks if that’s what it’s going to take this time around but I doubt I’ll need to. In fact, I won’t be surprised if I don’t even need them for 2.
We’ll see.
#morewillberevealed
My Recovery Revealed 
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