Alright, so things are about to get REAL real. I’ve always been pretty transparent and vulnerable, but I feel like this might be taking it to another level. At the end of the day though, while this IS my story, it’s not about me.
April 27, 2021
I am full of gratitude today. Every day seems to be getting better and better and I give God all the glory. I have Him on my mind a lot throughout the day. Every time He enters my mind, I bow my head or, if possible, hit my knees. I hope I continue to do this and don’t allow myself to stray or get complacent. When that happens, I fall into poor thinking patterns. The way my brain is wired, I must remain vigilant. Today is Tuesday and I am home with P until noon when she goes to school. Sounds like kids will get to go back to full time May 10, which would be awesome. I don’t know if I have even written about what exactly went down last year that upended the lives of millions upon millions around the globe…
Y’all know what went down in 2020. It was filled with fear, sadness, anger, and division.
…I’m also in need of losing 20 pounds. My weight is really bothering me. My diet was shit for months and now I’m trying to reverse what I did to myself. It’s coming off super slowly, which is frustrating. But I’m gonna keep working at it, just like the weed. I will succeed.
2 weeks later.
May 11, 2021
I’m so tired today. I know I’m not fueling my body properly or taking my vitamins. Good news: I have lost 10 pounds and I attribute that to conscious eating, less eating and not binging on sweets at night. Today is Day 5 no weed and it has been somewhat easy. I have been very irritable with the girls – last night, I almost smoked. I have cried today and have prayed so many times. My biggest fear is failing my children and I know that’s the devil trying his hardest to keep me down. He is not happy when I am leaning on God for literally everything right now. Lord, I pray for my daughters. Protect them from me as I continue to work on myself and get sober for real this time. I’m so tired! Tired of fighting the rage I have inside when my girls fight or constantly disobey/not listen. It drives me insane and I lose control of my temper. I had a handle on this at one point but I feel now I have reverted back to behaviors that bring on shame, remorse and guilt. Again, that is the enemy and I rebuke him in the name of Jesus Christ. We went to church as a family this past Sunday and it was so good to be back. It had been months. I had to wait to get vaccinated. I have my second shot on Sunday and then I will be fully vaccinated. Depression keeps trying to creep in and I fight that with prayer too. Prayer is the answer for all my troubles today. Thank you, God!
Seriously, this isn’t about me.
Okay, it is but it isn’t.
It’s about you too.
It’s really about…
…us.
#morewillberevealed
My Recovery Revealed 
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