Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on to know Him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring. – Hosea 6:3
When I’m in His will, I’m good.
When I’m in my will, I’m not.
March 21, 2021
It’s been exactly 2 weeks since I journaled. My oh my, was I in a dark place. It was utter torture. Every day I woke up not wanting to get out of bed. I slept as much as I could get away with. I have never experienced such turmoil inside. Praise my God, my Heavenly Father, for delivering me, miraculously, on Friday afternoon. Friday morning I was crying at work and less than 12 hours later, it was literally taken away. I have surrendered to the whisper that I needed to return to AA and get a new sponsor. After I got off the phone with C, I felt it. The feeling of dread, gloom and helplessness disappeared. I hit my knees in praise and thanksgiving. I KNEW God would answer my prayers. I have prayed so hard, so many times, every day, for 3 months (pretty much that long.) Once again, He proved Himself faithful and I want to tell everyone about it. God is so good!
April 5, 2021
Of course, it’s been days, maybe 2 weeks since I wrote last. This seems to be a pattern. I have a ton of incomplete journals. I have always gone in phases. I bet it correlates with my bipolar. Right now, I think I might be manic. OR the Holy Spirit has taken over…which, I have prayed for again and again. Praise the Lord. I came to change my clothes but just wanted to update. Everything is so so good. I am enjoying my girls today…last night was another story. Wow. But, I did handle it well, thanks to prayer and some weed. I quit again and even changed my date. But I’ve already relapsed so I’ll try quitting again when I run out or it makes me depressed. It most certainly can and if I do get depressed, then for reals for reals, I’m quitting. Not worth depression to keep smoking. Screw that! Thank you, Lord for coming to my rescue once again. Show me your ways. I want to embody your love.
I was being told that the marijuana was making me depressed and of course, just like during my drinking days, I refused to accept it.
I did, however, consider it.
#morewillberevealed
My Recovery Revealed 
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