It’s safe to say that I have not followed through with my intentions for this blog this year. I want to blame pure laziness but if I’m really being honest, and I may have said this before, I think the root reason is because I don’t want to tell some of the “what happened” portions of the story. Why? It’s simple.
Fear.
Fear of what others will think. Fear of upsetting people. Fear of not presenting the message I want to convey properly. Fear of many unknowns. Fear is paralyzing.
But I am told to fear not – 365 times in the living and active Word of God – so I will do the opposite and have courage. I’ll continue along with the My Reflections series and share my journal entries to guide the process. I left off with telling you that my new psychiatrist told me he didn’t think I was bipolar and told me I didn’t have to quit the weed. Let’s proceed, shall we?
March 1, 2021
Today is Day 5 no sweets and Day 1 no weed. God asked me to quit AGAIN yesterday and this time I am obeying. I have disobeyed long enough. Will it be forever? I hope not. But my sober date is coming up and I owe it to myself – more importantly, to God – to clear my mind completely. I believe and trust this will be a game-changer. Depression is really lingering; I hope it lifts soon. I am home with A1 for an upset tummy. I should be happy for the extra time with her but I’m not. 😦
March 4, 2021
Praise be to my Father, Savior of the world, the Great Physician – my Lord Jesus Christ. I rejoice for my medication kicked in this morning. 2 weeks to the day! I was sure it would take 4+ but prayed so hard every day for it to be lifted. I knew God heard my prayers which is why I kept praying even though I felt far away. Thank you, God, again for your mercy and grace. Picked A1 up from her extra reading class, went to dispensary – yes, I caved. But for the first time ever, I left with only one thing. I don’t feel bad and if I see it becoming an issue, I’ll know immediately and stop again. More breaks. That’s all. I hope. If it’s God’s will. How about that? God’s will over mine any day!…..I’m just so grateful. So grateful to be on the other side of that darkness. Now I will watch for mania and I have Zyprexa if I need it. Hopefully I can keep myself in check without it. We’ll see. It’s in God’s hands.
March 7, 2021
Today is Day 11 of the sugar fast and I cheated the past couple days. I’m feeling guilt and remorse over that and smoking weed the past 2 days…no, 3 days. I know God is trying to get my attention. I honestly think I gotta put it down for good. Maybe the occasional smoke but I can’t do this habitually anymore. Good news, I know I am already forgiven – now I need to forgive myself and press on. I just feel so depressed again. God will get me through this, just like He did before. I trust Him.
Today is September 8, 2023. There’s still so much ground to cover and things to unpack.
So you know what’s I’m going to say…
…keep coming back.
#morewillberevealed
My Recovery Revealed 
Leave a comment