Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. – James 1: 2-8
I saw my Daddy today and he mentioned the scripture above (specifically verse 2.) I had no idea I would use it on this post this morning but after reading the following journal entries, it came to mind right away. Pretty cool how that works. God’s Word IS living and active.
February 8, 2021
This is the day that the Lord has made, let us be glad in it. I woke up not excited for the day, AGAIN! I have anxiety? Over what? I don’t know. Life is so good, what do I have to fear? Not smoking weed? I mean, really? Cuz that’s the only thing that is stopping me from living my best life. My mental health is not good. Weed is not making it better. Maybe I can return to it when my mind is right again. For now though, I must stay away. Lord, hear my prayer. Please help me not smoke today.
February 19, 2021
11 days has passed since my last entry. I simply didn’t want to write cuz I had nothing good to say. I was sick of myself, taking forever to crawl out of the depression. Here’s the cool part: I never lost faith. I never doubted God. I feel disconnected, yes, however I never thought He left me. I know He never leaves me. I’m the one who walks away; who stops leaning 100% on God to relieve me. I felt like I lost hope in myself. Like I doubted myself. Well anyway, went to a new psych on Monday and he pretty much confirmed I should not have been taken off the Effexor. So he is putting me back on it. Today is Day 2 of feeling so much better and that’s all God. I’m only on day 2 of the meds and it takes weeks to work. I’m so happy. The Lord came through, like He always does. Tests of faith, you are worth it. Lord, please continue to use me now that I feel my light back. OH and PS, I still haven’t quit the weed. Once again, I don’t think that’s been my issue. God will show me my time.
Wanna know what else my psychiatrist told me? He said he didn’t think I was bipolar.
He’s not the only one who said that, and I really didn’t want to be.
Nor did I want to quit smoking weed, and he told me I didn’t have to.
I liked this guy.
A lot.
So I kept going back.
#morewillberevealed
My Recovery Revealed 
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