Skeletons 2.8 – My Recovery Requisite

Requisite (Past): The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking (Tradition 3, BB, pg 139)

After my second DUI, I was told 2 things:

  1. I had to stop drinking and
  2. I had to wait 6 months (or a year) to resume efforts to get pregnant.

I wasn’t asked. I was told.

No alcoholic likes to be TOLD to do anything, ESPECIALLY when it affects their drinking.

For me, if I am told to do something that I don’t want to do, I will resist until I have no choice. If I am told I CAN’T do something that I want to do, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that I CAN.

When it comes to #1, I told you: I secretly drank several times in a month before finally getting caught and forced into outpatient rehab. That still didn’t stop me though. After claiming an official sobriety date, I relapsed 3 more times, twice my husband knew about and once I lied about…for years. I’ll talk about that in my next post.

As for #2, the day after my arrest, H said he thought it would be a good idea to wait 6 months to resume trying to get pregnant. Per usual, I went into my childish theatrics – sobbing uncontrollably until I fell asleep, the whole time hoping he would feel bad and take it back.  But he didn’t. Not that night anyway.

It was also “suggested” by my first sponsor that I wait a year to get pregnant – newcomers are discouraged from getting into new relationships or making big life changes in the first year of sobriety. But H had already recanted the whole 6 month plan, so of course I lied and said I’d take into into consideration. I didn’t dare challenge her but there was also no way I was going to listen to her either.

For those that didn’t read the excerpts from the previous post, this is the only part that matters in this one:

img_0053.jpg

While my desire to drink  “someday” didn’t go away after that last weekend in jail, my choice to drink did – for one year and 3 months.

Yep, A1 had literally implanted herself the same weekend I received that email. She saved me from my own self because I most definitely would have relapsed again otherwise.

People have asked me if I’ll tell her that little detail about her conception and the answer to that question today is this:

I just did.

#morewillberevealed

 

 

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